Absence is a Sign of Struggle

Wow!  I had no idea I hadn’t posted here for 2 weeks.  I have to admit, then, that my absence from blogging is a sign of personal struggle!  I’ve barely managed to post twice in as many weeks to 5 Minutes for Special Needs — though both posts were late — and probably only because I’m committed to doing a post a week.  (No, not committed that way! I can’t afford such a luxury!)  And, I’ve been virtually unaware that I haven’t been here to my own blogging “home.”  That’s not good because it means I’ve lost my focus on happiness, gratitude, good people around me and those things in life that make me laugh! No wonder I’m stressed out!

Yes, I’ve been under a bit more pressure lately, for so many reasons and for no one specific reason at all.  Most would agree that my life is pretty stressful to the naked eye.  But day-to-day I usually manage to more-than-cope with, but more like embrace the challenges that define my existence… and I mean that in the most positive way.  I still believe I’m living this very lucky, glorified life, overall (though some people wouldn’t see it that way). And yet, I still had a rough 2 weeks.  Why? For the record, I’m asking myself this non-rhetorical question.

Putting the last 14 days under a microscope, my life has not been significantly more stressful than usual.  It’s just been a tad more than the usual stress.  Yes, there’s too much on my plate.  So what else is new? I guess I finally drew the short straw and broke the camel’s back (I’m into mixing metaphors lately)!  The one thing I can put my finger on that was totally new and, apparently, more stressful than I realized is my own fragile (ha!) existence.

Several longish-lasting bouts (5-15 minutes) of heart palpitations coupled with My Beautiful Boys’ 6th birthday (not because I’m feeling old but because I had to throw a party for them before they turned 7… 3 weeks late on that as well) on top of the usual 3 hours of homework with the Old Soul, the school not succeeding in educating My Boys but doing nothing to address it, crazy work deadlines for both of my PT jobs AND the Sarge wholly focused on work and studying but pretty much absent from this life I’m living added just enough extra spice to bring me to my knees… or, at least, bring me to sit my butt on the front curb for a come to Jesus with myself… at sunset.

It was a necessary moment.  A breather.  A moment to close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun on my face, listen to the birds sing and feel the breeze in my hair.  To fight back the tears of frustration. And then to suck it up and go back inside the house to embrace [OK, strong word, how about just face down] the challenges in my life as it has been gifted to me.  I’m mostly back to being my accepting and upbeat self.  The cardiologist says the skipped beat is really a rest after a rapid beat and is a non-threatening, benign condition…. exacerbated by stress (NOOOOOO!)  So that’s good news!  AND, we threw the Boys’ birthday party and it went well.  The best part is my house is now cleaner than it has been since our last party (another good reason for home parties) and it’s behind me!

So, although work kicks in again this week, I have–hopefully not the false–hope that it will go smoothly (so far so good) and there are only 28 school days left.  At the suggestion of the teaching team, I’ve got to write-up what I want for The Boys this Summer and next year and then we’ll all fight the good fight to have it my way.  And, if I “win” on behalf of my children, then I’ve just gotta hold it together until Summer and there should be some psychological and scheduling relief!

Sounds like a plan! And, I tend NOT to get broadsided when I have a plan!


About Maggie

I'm a stay-at-home mother of 3 children including a 15-year-old daughter, the Old Soul, and 11-year-old identical twin boys who've been blessed with an extra 21st chromosome (aka: Down Syndrome). I happily spend my time doing all that I can do -- breaking the proverbial box wide open -- to foster my children's development and then sharing what I learn with you through this blog.
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